Motherhood is a unique journey filled with joy, love, and unforgettable core memories. Part of our hearts are in human form and it is our responsibility to keep our children safe and help them grow with the necessary skills they need. With that being said, in motherhood, we will wear a bunch of different hats. Besides being a mother full time, we may also be working another job, creating the family to-do lists, being the children’s taxi driver, fulfilling the household chores, preparing the meals, make sure the kid’s doctor and dentist visits are up to date, the list honestly goes on. Sometimes it’s hard not to turn the “mom brain” off, which can be a good or bad thing depending on the situation. Because we have so much to balance, it comes with a wave of emotions that we need to take control of or we may find ourselves burning out. This is why it is important to get familiar with healthy, effective coping skills and practice it in your everyday lives.
What are coping skills?
You got up late because you did not hear your alarm clock this morning. As you are driving to drop off the kids to school, someone cuts you off making you miss the next light. Your coffee spilled all over your car on your way to work. The day goes by slowly at work and when you come home, you need to prepare your family dinner, take the babies a bath, and prepare for the next day. You are overwhelmed, stressed, and angry. What do you do? Do you keep everything to yourself, bottle it up, consume a pack of beer, and fill yourself up with ice cream? Or do you talk it out with a partner/friend/family member, do 10 minutes of deep breathing and self-talk, and remind yourself to be present today? In life we all have choices in each situation that we face. There are going to be times when life throws challenging situations at you, and you have to manage the stress and adversity with strategies and techniques to reduce the negativity and stress. These strategies and techniques are called coping skills. Some people may learn these skills growing up, with the different situations they have to face. Some may never learn any of these skills. Knowing what the skills are and practicing it everyday, helps to create a coping skills toolbox for yourself. Below are 5 skills that may help you as you navigate your way through motherhood.
Mindfulness and Meditation
- Mindfulness is the act of being fully present in the moment, acknowledging and accepting your thoughts, how you feel, and what your bodily sensations are telling you. You are not thinking of the past regrets or the future worries you have. Oftentimes our “mom brains” are thinking of the past choices we made or the future things that we need to get done on our to-do list. We may be sitting at the dinner table with this list in our head, while our children are trying to tell us about their day. Mindfulness can come in handy and if you pair it with meditation, such as deep breathing, you can find yourself in a relaxed state of mind.
Physical Activity
- Just 30 minutes of physical activity can increase endorphins. You can do simple exercises, go for a walk, do some squats, even stretch or yoga! Whichever works for your body and helps you feel the least amount of stress, add it to your daily schedule when you can. As moms, we need to find specific free time in our day to add these exercises. You can use your stairs and run up and down for 30 minutes while the baby sleeps, take a free yoga class on YouTube in your living room, or run around your kitchen for 30 minutes!
Healthy Lifestyle Habits
- I know we hear this time and time again, but what we fuel our body with definitely affects us in the long run. Being hydrated, getting sufficient sleep and eating nutritious food will help you tackle life’s challenges. Don’t forget to lower your alcohol and caffeine intake as well.
Social Support
- Even if sometimes we feel like hiding in the house for a week and not speaking to people (and that is okay), we still should build and maintain social connections for a support system. Interacting with other human beings (I’m not talking about commenting on others on social media), is important! Mom venting with other moms, and joining mom groups to relate to others can gain insight and perspectives to help comfort you.
Cognitive Behavioral Techniques
- Challenging your negative thoughts is a skill. When a situation happens, a thought enters your mind, it can be negative or positive depending on how you perceive it, and then an emotion is attached to that behavior causing us to react. We can react positively, or we can choose to react negatively. Again, we are in control and that is entirely up to you. Both of those choices have consequences. Train yourself to restructure your thoughts and eventually it will drive your behavior.
The skills above are definitely not everything and not every skill will work out for each person in the same way. For me, I need to work on a bunch of these coping skills and integrate it into my daily life. What I fuel my body with and add on simple exercises throughout my day for starters! Working out has always been a struggle for me. Especially since I had my last child 2 years ago, I am too tired to do anything. Once I finish work, the kids need rides to different sports in different locations, and by the time we get home, we need to eat dinner, bathe and get ready for the next day. Having these skills in my toolbox helps me to know how to cope in a healthy way and I hope that it does the same for you! Comment and share your favorite coping skill in the comments!
